Thursday, April 1, 2010

The New Golden Age


I've thought long and hard--it's time for a change. The Golden Age, as I now define it, shall include early-'70s movies and if there happens to be any old-time stars in said films, then that's fine, too. What's better than seeing John Wayne in a dried-out gray toupee and emptying a MAC-10 submachinegun into Al "The Turk" Lettieri and his polyester-suited goons? Wayne was offered the role of Dirty Harry first but turned it down. So to compensate for his boneheaded judgement, he made McQ (1974), the movie that features The Duke rollin' down the mean streets of Seattle to Elmer Bernstein's funky score, lookin' to bend his badge over some drug peddler's skull. McQ is John Wayne at his vigilante best!

Glamour is best defined by how good members of the pimping community think you look, so a plaid, ginormous-lapeled Sears suit with white shoes and necktie as wide as the berth you'd give a Great White shark *is* the new definition of glam. Besides, if the 1930s were so great, then why did we abandon those styles? Who needs Carole Lombard when you have Glenda Jackson? Who needs William Powell when there's Tiny Tim? Laugh-In says more about our lives than Robert Benchley ever could! And why would women ever need support garments? "Ms." is a perfectly fine way to address a newly-libererated woman wearing ten-inch-tall cork souled shoes and hot pants, right? I say to heck with the '30s and '40s and huzzah to the Charles Bronson Deathwish 'stache, and the Lucille Ball Mame vaseline cheesecloth filter! Forget "happy days are here again" and let's embrace "Power to the People!" Now the question is...can you all dig it?

12 comments:

  1. Bring on the 70's!

    Hahaha, I have never seen that John Wayne film, but I have seen clips of it! The car chase through Seattle was filmed in so many clips, that it literally has John Wayne driving around in circles (of course nobody would notice that but Washingtonian's! ;-D).

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  2. My eyes (and heart) are bleeding.

    DON'T DO IT DEX!!!

    Oh, shit, forgot it's April Fools.

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  3. HAHAH! I consider a lot of 70s movies as "classics" as well. like Network and Chinatown. I mean, come on, those movies are awesome, and William Holden was in Network so there you go.

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  4. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice

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  5. I *love* the 1960s and '70s, but only up to 1975. After that it all got too Disco and Aaron Spelling for my tastes. Besides that, I was old enough beginning in 1976 to know this. The early '70s were infinitely more interesting to me. If you've ever watched "The Persuaders!" TV show, then you'll know what I mean...

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  6. CK

    Why am I thinking of those World War II films which portrayed a family at peace and then a camera pans to a wall showing that the day is December 7?

    Gerald of Laszlo's

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  7. Jesus Christ, the heathens are here!

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  8. Comparing William Powell to Tiny Tim! You should be ashamed of yourself, even if it is April 1st.

    Retrohound.com

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  9. Come on, it's not that bad. It's just ... - Well, I don't intend to make away to Californian politics, but this time it's a real demon shep.

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  10. I love 70s films. What's Up, Doc is the exception among cheeseclothes. throwback to 30s screwball with 70s San Fran views. Nothing better than that.

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