The Big Disney Letdown: or, Looking Back Bitterly

In looking back at just some of Disney’s 1970s live-action cinematic endeavors, this partial list alone reads like a Shakespearean tragedy:

The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Superdad
The Shaggy D.A.
Freaky Friday
The Apple Dumpling Gang
The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again
The Cat from Outer Space (both M*A*S*H commanders are in this: Harry Morgan and McLean Stevenson)
The North Avenue Irregulars (sounds like an ad for adult diapers)
Hot Lead and Cold Feet
Escape from Witch Mountain
Return to Witch Mountain

And of course, The Black Hole (aka “We passed on Star Wars”).

Disney’s animated features have fared a bit better, not that I’ve seen them:

Robin Hood
Pete’s Dragon
The Rescuers
The Fox and the Hound (1981; this one was heavily advertised, so naturally I didn’t go and see it)

Don’t know why Disney eschewed its proud and successful animated tradition for Joe Flynn and Dean Jones, but they did and it’s my first impression of Disney the movie studio. Their less-than-stellar legacy is something I can’t grasp. Why would they make the move to live-action movies when they were the world’s leader in animated feature films dating back to 1937? I honestly want to know. If any Disney aficionados out there are reading this and can answer this question, please comment.

Now, it’s time for some bitter reminiscences...tongue in cheek, of course, but more than a kernel of truth.

I remember my parents always raving about Disney's great animated features, but they were too busy splitting up to take me, I guess. For whatever reasons, I never saw those classic Disney animated films on TV or in any theatrical re-releases there might have been. As a result of my deprived childhood and Disney's ineptitude, I've never seen many of those early Disney classics. Fantasia in particular has eluded me all these years. I haven't even bothered to see them on home video; I'd really prefer seeing them on the big screen, but even that's unlikely as they bastardize their own films with politically correct changes. Jerks. So even the home video aspect of this tragic tale can’t rescue me from my lethargy.

Those of you of the Baby Boomer generation have one more thing to be thankful for, and that’s the superiority of your collective Disney experience over that of the so-called Generation X. You had the novelty of the opening of Disneyland, the weekly Disney show at its 1950s and ‘60s peak and the frequent cinematic re-releases of all those animated Disney classics. Even the Generation Y people have a better Disney nostalgia, with virtually every movie made beginning with The Little Mermaid and on through the ’90s. My generation had the Osmonds singing at Disneyland and Bette Midler and Shelley Long “buddy” movies.

When I was a little kid in the mid-to-late 1970s, Disney wasn't doing much animation. Lots of Ken Berry and Dean Jones live-action crapola which bored me to tears. Plus there was the Herbie the Car series, which I actually didn’t mind, especially Herbie Rides Again. That’s the one with Helen Hayes fighting some monolithic building conglomerate who wants to tear down her humble home in favor of some skyscraper. However, the one movie that stings with remembrance was the 1972 non-opus un-classic, Snowball Express. I had suffered through this wretched movie one day in 1982 and vowed never to put myself through that again. A week or so later, a friend and I were going to a movie house to see a Disney movie with his then-twentysomething brother and his girlfriend. Anyway, the morning we were set to go, my buddy came down with the flu. He got to stay home with the comfort of his fever, chills, and vomiting whereas I had to sit still with “grown ups” (as I classified anyone five years or older than me) who, at least to my mind, were going to talk about “adult” things like college, alcohol, and other non-Star Wars action figure-related topics.

Anyway, guess what “surprise” Disney movie we were set to see? You guessed it: Snowball Express. Seeing that film twice in less than a week almost qualified me to do Charlton Heston’s mouthing the dialogue of the Woodstock documentary in The Omega Man, only without the lost idealism. I did feel like the last person on the planet, though.

I recently watched Snowball Express on TV, not as a way of punishing myself, but rather seeing if my hostility and unpleasant memories still held true. Surprisingly, they did not. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Harry Morgan is fun as always, and there are several TV actors who bring a familiarity and nostalgia to the proceedings: Dick Van Patten (who never seemed to work outside of the 1970s), Johnny Whitaker (Family Affair), George Lindsey (Goober from Andy Griffith), and the great blowhard villain from many a 1970s Disney film, Keenan Wynn. Was it Pinocchio? Did it evoke memories of Fantasia? I wouldn’t know, because I still haven’t seen those films.

Even Weary Bloggers Need a Break

It's off to Walt Disney World! The weather's due to be grand--the Disney Company has an exclusive deal with Mother Nature--and yours truly will drop his pretentious worldly sophistication and enjoy the Disneyfied creations that the Magic Kingdom offers. Please stop by and say hi! I'll be the adult-looking fellow crying because I'm cranky from the heat or upset that my wife won't let me have that eight-foot stuffed Pluto toy. Perhaps I'll have a nostalgia-fueled nervous breakdown in what's left of Tomorrowland since most everything I loved from it is in the Disney equivalent of Boot Hill. Ah, the whiff of diesel in our world of tomorrow...I also hope not to suffer from too much Johnny Depp Envy when riding my favorite attraction, Pirates of the Caribbean, which has been crassly co-opted blessed with the addition of Johnny's delightful visage.

Over the last week or so I've been studiously examining various past Walt Disney World guide maps from The Florida Project. This excellent site has scans of several WDW guide maps, making it possible for the deluded and bitter Disney fan to fret and harrumph over the many ill-advised changes that've been made over the years. Whether it be the destruction of a perpetually-broken down attraction (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea) or an altered shop (Disneyana and Mickey's Mart), the olde maps are--to quote Barry Fitzgerald--sure to bring a tear to your eye. So after my blogging batteries are recharged from this trip, you can bet that I'll feel like a hundred Pesos again, ready to prattle on and on and on about Hollywood's Golden Age...

Blogs I Love, Part II-A

As I splashed another cup of lukewarm coffee down my gullet this morning, I realized that I had been more like a regular panelist on other people's blog comments sections, and with Spring in fulll swing, I descended into my usual mode of blogging underachievement by devising another segment of Blogs I Love. I've been spending a lot of time at these blogs lately, what with me actually having interests outside of 1930s and '40s movies. Here are a few blogs well worthy of your time and attention. One of them I've listed before but the other two are largely non-film blogs with fascinating subject matter. Let me introduce them:




Goodfella's Movie Blog- Previously mentioned but due for another nod is Dave's blog. He's wrapping up a Film Noir counrdown of epic proportions. Also not to be missed is the amazingly enlightening comments section, where the big brains of film criticism discuss--and often disagree with-- Dave's rankings!

Voyages Extraordinaires, which has the sub-title "Scientific Romances of a Bygone Age." This blog is not mere "Steampunk" as blogger Cory Gross goes into detail on the era as well as the subsequent art, literature, and cinema influenced by the Victorian Age. This includes Disney and Doctor Who in addition to progenitors Jules Verne and H.G. Wells. Do have a look.

Vintage Disneyland Tickets- I've never been to Disneyland but I am making a return trip to Walt Disney World at the end of the month--hence my distracted nature--Tim has posted tons of fascinating Disney-related items such as guidebooks, promotional items, and material meant only for employees' eyes. Through the site one gets a vivid history of Disneyland and I've learned a lot in the short time since discovering the place.

Classic Films I've Never Seen: Walt Disney's Fantasia (1940)

This is the first entry in a series of classic Golden Age films that, you guessed it: I've never seen! We begin with Walt Disney's Fantasia from 1940. I've never had the chance to watch what looks to be a beautifully rendered animated film set to classical music. I'm aware of what the movie contains, and I also realize that there was some abomination of a remake in 2000, the coincidentally named Fantasia 2000, which I avoided at the time because I didn't want that to be my first exposure to the concept. Perhaps 2010 is the year that Disney will open its vaults and allow me to procure a copy of the 1940 "real deal" original--without censorious cuts, either.

I blame my not having seen Fantasia for having come of age in the late '70-early '80s, a time when the Walt Disney studio largely abandoned quality animation and instead focused on live-action epics like Snowball Express, Herbie, The North Avenue Irregulars, Freaky Friday, and The Cat from Outer Space. Nothing against those films, as I liked them all and even nursed a crush on Barbara Harris, too. I must also admit that my attention was given over to "gritty" fare like Star Wars and The Six Million Dollar Man. Still, even as a hair helmeted seven-year-old dope I knew that Disney had a reputation as an animation powerhouse and I wanted to see more of the magic I'd witnessed in Pinocchio (say the word a hundred times and it ceases to sound like a name) and Dumbo. I wasn't really interested in the animated offerings they did release during my own childhood, as they never appealed to me like the one-after-the-other masterworks they cranked out with frightening regularity in both the animated feature length and animated short films.

From what I've seen of Fantasia, it looks marvelous. Disney always gets credit for their wonderful animation--no one, but no one ever rendered water in motion like Disney. Yes, I'm easily entertained, but the Disney crew earned their reputation for excellence. Even if the scripts of most Mickey Mouse cartoons were lacking, it never mattered to me--remember my stance on plotlines--because the animation was always hypnotically watchable and it looks as though Fantasia's animation might've been the peak of that brilliance. I can't wait for the day I see it.

Postscript: In looking up Fantasia, numerous pictures of some singer come up; who the heck is she???